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I don’t know what they said next, I was too numb. I couldn’t hear the words. I had planned to watch but couldn’t bear it. Any thought of telling them they were still on camera had gone out of my head, pushed out by the sick feeling and the tears.I left the cameras recording and retreated, looking for my whisky. I opened the drinks cupboard and looked at the bottles. I had four different single malts, plus a few exotic bottles from European holidays. Trying to focus on what to drink stopped me and even as my hand reached out a little voice in my head said “No!”I actually turned around to see who’d spoken and stopped again. I must have stood there five minutes before I got my thoughts together enough to know that booze was not the answer. Ellen must be having an affair, had been having one for a while, and she was stringing me along. She was using our bedroom fantasies about hot-wives, sharing and all that, to blindside me, setting me up so she could carry on her affair without having to be secretive.I closed the booze cupboard and made coffee instead. I could go to the hotel, accuse the two of them, but what would happen? I’d have to say I’d bugged them, have to own up to my fears and probably lose control of everything. They would both know how vulnerable I felt. They— well Guy anyway— would have the upper hand. I had no idea what Ellen would do. I had stopped listening to them so maybe even as I was standing here panicking she might be telling him there was no way she was leaving me, or maybe not. Right then, even though I desperately wanted to know, I didn’t feel strong enough to find out.I sat at the kitchen table and made toast. I poured the coffee away and made tea; thick, strong, sweet, milky tea. Builder’s tea they call it here in England; The kind that big sweaty men drink from flasks amongst the dust and rubble. Just what I needed to drink, sitting in the wreckage of my marriage. Tea and toast, the solution to every problem.Slowly, I got my brain back in gear. One voice told me it was my own fault. Why didn’t I trust Ellen, let her have her fun, rely on her to come home, tell me about what happened, delight in hearing her story, do what we always planned and next time Guy would come here and if he overstepped the mark I’d be on safer ground.Unless… unless Ellen was planning to leave. What about the kids? Was she planning to take the kids, have Guy bring them up? He had kids, would they take both broods? His were older than mine, nine and eleven compared to our five and seven. Could I condemn my kids to being little brother and sister to… well… to some other children I had never met, knew nothing about and bahis siteleri who might take it out on my kids because they’d lost their mother and had Ellen as their wicked stepmother.Horror stories flitted through my brain but it dawned on me slowly, somewhere around the end of my second dose of builder’s tea that there was a long game to be played here.I needed to talk to a lawyer, and I needed to know what Ellen would say. I needed to play back all of the tapes of their whole night and the morning. The more secret recordings I had, the more cards I had to play. Right now they were confident that I knew nothing.I decided that when Ellen came home I should also record what she said. How to do that? A technical problem to solve was exactly what I needed, something objective to engage my brain. Most likely we would talk in the bedroom or if not that then the living room or maybe the kitchen. I needed to bug all three rooms and maybe the bathroom as well. For a change, my lack of experience and former incompetence came to my rescue. I had ordered too many of the cameras that I’d used at the hotel, but where in the house to put them, how to conceal them?In the light of what had happened this evening, Ellen would very likely spot a new clock appearing so that was out. I thought about drilling holes in the ceiling but doubted my ability to get everything done and made invisible by the time she came home tomorrow.I spent half an hour walking around the house trying to look at each room with fresh eyes before an answer dawned on me. We have a lot of books, so many that there are some in every room. If I took a thick book and dug out a cavity inside it, I could set a little camera there and have it look out through a hole in the spine. These things are less than an inch cube and they can see though a hole less than a tenth of an inch. I spent the rest of the evening wrecking some books that I knew Ellen would never be interested in and implanting mini cameras. Old battered books, too damaged to send to Oxfam were exactly the thing. No way a little spy hole would be noticed.By midnight I had them positioned amongst other books in the living room and the bedroom. In the kitchen I took a risk and put a camera in an old cookery book that I know Ellen never uses and left it on top of a cupboard. Ellen would need a step ladder to get it down so I doubted that she’d bother.It was past midnight by the time I had everything done. I had them all on voice and motion activated recording and assuming no more than an hour or two of recording each day, they were good for a week. I did’t sleep well but I figured that was no bad thing. I made canlı bahis siteleri myself breakfast in the morning and waited to see what the day would bring.Ellen sent me a message saying she’d be home by lunchtime. I called a lawyer and had a long conversation and took down some details about divorce. One thing was clear, Ellen had to be the one who did the leaving. If I wanted to keep the kids then I had to set things up so that she left me. That way I could keep the kids until enough time had passed that she could demand a divorce and by then I ought to be able to prove that I was an okay parent. From what the lawyer said if I moved for a divorce too soon, then most likely she, and that would mean Guy too, would get custody of my kids.That got me to 11.30. I took a deep breath and played the beginning of the tape again. I sat through the part when I phoned and Guy made fun of me, thinking I couldn’t hear. There wasn’t any doubt that this was not their first time. How long had it been going on? I listened to another few minutes and was not much wiser. It did upset me. I let myself cry some. That was no bad thing, apart from being painful, pitiful even; if I looked strained and a little red-eyed when Ellen got home that would tell her more than words.Every now and then I checked Find-my-iPhone to track Ellen’s progress and set about laying out a salad. I smashed up a few onions to make sure my eyes stayed exactly how I wanted them to be and then binned the onions. I had something good looking on the table when she arrived.I saw her car pulling in so had the front door open for her before the engine stopped. I watched her face as she picked up her bag and locked the car.It’s never a good idea to look at someone when you’ve already made up your mind— you see what you want to see. I knew that, so was on my guard, suspecting myself as much as suspecting Ellen. Through all that double think I’m sure the smile was forced when she saw me, tense to begin with, then maybe relieved to see me, maybe not relieved, more kind of relaxing into familiarity.She shut the car door and headed towards me. I was ready to kiss her but she stopped short.“You’ve been crying.”I started to mumble something but didn’t get very far.“Love,” she said  “you’re not supposed to be crying. You gave me a treat, you’re supposed to be pleased.”I should have been pleased to see her, should have been engaged but all I could think about was whether what she said would be recorded.“I made lunch,” I said, turning into the house. “I thought you might want something. I couldn’t decide if you’d be hungry or exhausted, did you get breakfast at the hotel? canlı bahis They are supposed to do a good one, but I wasn’t sure.”“Poor you, love,” she said. “It’s really got to you hasn’t it? You’re babbling with nerves like a first date.””Well it was a first date. I mean is a first date isn’t it?” Stupid, I almost gave away what I knew. Now wasn’t the time for revelations.”How do you mean?””It was a first for you and Guy. Your date with him may be over but my part isn’t done yet. It’s a first for me.””Oh I see what you mean,” she said.I hesitated a second. “There’s more to it than a night with him, there’s what it does to us, too?”I’m not a great actor but it wasn’t a problem to let my anxiety colour my voice, this time it was a question and full of doubt and lost confidence.”It’s upset you a lot, hasn’t it.””It’s my fault,” I said. “I shouldn’t have taken that video. Seeing that little clip when I phoned you, the two of you seemed so easy together. I thought you’d be nervous, like strangers, a little awkward, but you looked like a couple. It spooked me, I thought I’d lost you.””I’m sorry, love,” she said. “I think I was excited and the room was so romantic. Did you organise those flowers and the scent thing? It made it lovely. I think that relaxed me.””Yes,” I said. “I added the extra touches. I have to go back and collect them later today.”“Won’t the hotel have cleared them away?”“I booked a second day so I could clear up.”That stopped her in her tracks for a few seconds.“You booked two days?”“Yes.”“Why didn’t you say?”“You might have stayed both days and I couldn’t have coped with that. It would have killed me. Without you. Without the kids, I’d have felt like it was the end of everything.”Whatever I said, wherever the conversation turned, it felt as though it always came back to me being weak. Ellen was the strong one, and I was the sucker who couldn’t cope. I had to find a way to break out of this trap.“Don’t worry about it, love.” I said, still kind of husky but getting it together. “You’re back now. It doesn’t do any harm for me to find out how much you mean to me.”“Could we stay there tonight?”That thought had not crossed my mind.“We could,” I said, without giving it much thought and even as I said it, I realised that none of the devices had wires, I could collect the vase and the mirror and the clock and there was no way that Ellen would know about the cameras. The door handles would be a problem, but I’d find a way. Why not both go? The idea of reclaim sex in the same room had an exotic appeal but there could be a downside, it gave her a direct comparison between me and him. If I was less good in bed; in that exact same bed, where did that leave me? Every move I made could be compared with his.“Let’s do that,” Ellen said.“Could we eat lunch and then go? I know it’s not the best ever…”“But you’ve tried,” she said. “I really appreciate that.”

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